Swigs and Bitter Tears: The Great Bintang-Guinness Blind Taste Test We Definitely Weren't Ready For
Photo by Photo by Frankie Cordoba on Unsplash on Unsplash
Science has peer review. Paddy's Pub Bali has Dave from Cleveland, three blindfolds we found in the lost-and-found, and a clipboard that may or may not have been stolen from a dive shop in Canggu.
Last Tuesday, we gathered six of our most vocal regulars — all Americans, all with strong opinions, none with any actual sensory training — and asked them the question that has quietly divided our barstools for years: Bintang or Guinness?
What followed was part taste test, part group therapy session, and part unofficial diplomatic summit between two great drinking nations.
The Rules (There Were Barely Any)
Each participant received two unlabeled glasses: one containing an ice-cold Bintang, Bali's crisp, sun-friendly lager, the other a properly settled Guinness, poured with the patience and tenderness of a midwife. Blindfolds were deployed. Trash talk was encouraged. One participant, a retiree named Carol from Arizona, asked if we could "also blindfold the part where I have to look at Dave from Cleveland."
Denied, Carol.
The tasting was blind, but the reactions were not subtle.
Round One: The Bintang Revelation
Five out of six testers correctly identified the lager, though not for the reasons we expected. "It tastes like the feeling of taking your flip-flops off," said Marcus, a software developer from Austin who has been 'on vacation' here since 2022.
The consensus on Bintang: it's the beer equivalent of a beach chair. Nothing complicated. You don't analyze it. You just exist next to it, happily, until the sun goes down. Several testers noted it went down "dangerously easy," which is exactly what the humidity demands.
Round Two: The Guinness Moment
Then came the stout, and the room changed.
Dave from Cleveland — who has, until now, spent every visit loudly defending domestic light beer as "the only honest beverage" — went silent. He swirled. He sipped. He removed his blindfold, looked at the glass, and said, quietly: "My dad drank this. I haven't had one since the funeral."
The bar went still. Then Carol raised her Bintang and said, "To your dad," and Dave drank both beers at once, which disqualified him from the science but won him the evening.
The takeaway: Guinness isn't just a beer. For a lot of homesick Americans, it's a flavor of memory. And when it's poured right — which we promise you it is — it hits somewhere between Dublin and your feelings.
The Official Paddy's Cheat Sheet: When to Drink Which
Our staff deliberated over several shift-change arguments and produced this definitive guide:
- Drink a Bintang when: It's over 85°F. You just hiked a rice terrace. Someone says 'it's 5 o'clock somewhere' and you believe them. You want four beers, not one.
- Drink a Guinness when: The live music starts. You miss your family a little. It's Sunday and you have nowhere to be. You want to taste something that took two minutes of someone's full attention.
- Drink both when: Dave from Cleveland is having a moment. Honestly, that's just good manners.
How to Order Like You've Been Here a While
New in town? Here's the local fluency course nobody teaches you at the airport:
- Say 'Bintang' like you mean it. Not 'bin-TAHNG,' not 'the Indonesian one.' Just say it. Confidence is 90% of ordering.
- Respect the pour. If you order a Guinness here, it takes two minutes. Use that time to make a friend. That's not a wait; that's a feature.
- Don't mix them in the same glass. We watched someone try. We're still recovering.
- Tip in rupiah. Your server will love you more than the guy who tries to tip in expired Disney Dollars. Yes, that happened.
The Verdict
By the end of the night, the scoreboard read: Bintang 3, Guinness 2, Dave from Cleveland disqualified, Carol victorious on a technicality nobody understands.
But the real result was simpler: nobody left. The taste test dissolved into a session with the house band, and by midnight, half the participants were singing an off-key version of 'Danny Boy' with their arms around each other. One beer came from Bali. One came from Dublin. The hangover, as always, was 100% American.
Come try the experiment yourself. Blindfold optional. Dave usually shows up around seven.
